shuffle

I put my cards on the table.
and walked away.
he asked me why i was leaving the game.
i said "i'm tired of playing hearts
and always losing."
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.
sigh

a start

i am fragile,
but resilient.
although your actions have fractured my heart
i have learned home remedies to mend it
these mixtures of time and sage sayings
applied to open wounds
sting at first contact
but soon soothe the soul
from the wanderings of memories gone astray

the distance is all too familiar
even when you are within reach
i hesitate to touch you
often wearing the scars of past loves on my finger tips
and they have become bold
gathering on mounts
highlighted in sunday sermons
shouting, and jumping,
praising the suffering-
a congregation of hurt.

but i shall overcome...

journal.

trying to find inspiration.
looking to the universe for guidance
it only takes one spark to start a fire

i'm learning to follow my heart. my bliss. my love.
i have to trust in love again.
i have to trust myself again.
things will be okay.
love will see us through.
this isn't easy.
but i need to do this.
please understand.

the physics of love [journal 3]

the gravity of our potential
is the equivalent
to us falling in love.

*you might need a slight appreciation for science to get that.

it's like learning the reasons for every love song/poem/movie ever written all at once. this is what this feels like. and i love it. life is truly magical...and anyone who would tell you different has probably never truly lived.

it's all relative

Journal2
introducing the children:

Asia-Kismet

Lauren


Kahlil

It hits me every now and again that I am a mother. The gravity of which seems overbearing. I often wonder what kind of creative forces reside within them. Will they be the ones who find the Higgs boson? Will they revolutionize their field of study? I want them to be passionate and a little obsessive about their art/craft. I will teach them that through their creativity they will be closest aligned to God. As we create we become aligned with the creator--a communion of sorts.
They have taught me love. I am eternally grateful. mommy loves you. Always.

journal 1

He wrote in the sky:
"These heavens could be your eyes;
If they were open"
[a haiku]

I am losing faith in humanity. Topics worthy of discussion are pushed aside to further our gluttony for entertainment. The news helps to perpetuate installments of fear and hate in half hour doses coated with "the new colors for the season." Our consumer driven economy mindset has revealed itself in other facets of life. We have become consumed by monotony. I am tired of dumbing down my beliefs into bite size ideologies. I hardly feel angry anymore. I allow individuals to live in their ignorance and contradiction because i choose not to be side tracked by their bullshit. I find my zen in the early mornings when the earth breathes loudest and the city sleeps quietest. my eyes are opening again. Ohm.

I know that there is nothing new under the sun, so i live guided by the mysteries of the moon.