a start

i am fragile,
but resilient.
although your actions have fractured my heart
i have learned home remedies to mend it
these mixtures of time and sage sayings
applied to open wounds
sting at first contact
but soon soothe the soul
from the wanderings of memories gone astray

the distance is all too familiar
even when you are within reach
i hesitate to touch you
often wearing the scars of past loves on my finger tips
and they have become bold
gathering on mounts
highlighted in sunday sermons
shouting, and jumping,
praising the suffering-
a congregation of hurt.

but i shall overcome...

Loose change

It's been sometime, You've probably forgotten who i am. Somedays, I feel as if i have forgotten me as well. So many changes have been going on in my life. I chose to follow my heart, leave...I know it was the right thing to do. I couldn't stay and pretend any longer. I couldn't keep denying myself. i'm far from perfect. i hope you'll appreciate the honesty.

I revamped the blog a little. no longer is it "earthquakes for snowflakes"-that chapter has closed.

so here's a toast to new beginnings and growth.

guess what?

i'm going back go cali. so this chapter of my life is over...good bye NY see ya when i see ya.
can't wait to get back to the beaches and the sun.

.one.

i don't understand.
you said you love me
but you have written testaments to another.
i am a jealous god[dess].
my only intentions,
simple as they maybe,
were to love you.

have you forgotten the power of the written language.
even in jest,
ideas and concepts are birthed.
damn.
we should have used protection.
maybe then my heart wouldn't be broken.

heart breaks
births
pain
this is love?
in its infancy
needy
up until today
i was using the wrong metaphors
to describe us
i am wiser now
no longer will i misplace my adjectives for nouns

social ineptitude...now what?

It isn't just an issue in the black community. And to reason that it is the result of one cause is naive. A lot of variables go into play why these issues exist in our communities [whether they're white...black...etc]. It's systemic. And we've only been treating the symptoms rather than the causes.

I understand the reasoning behind the slave mentality...and i dont knock it, i know it's just a part of an explanation but not the whole explanation itself. My community experienced a war. where children were taken from their mothers and fathers and indoctrinated in the dismantling of the family unit. And i know these issues are still fresh in the psyche of my community and it's repressed memory of such trials.

I could even propose that this "social ineptitude" could be due to the social structuring of governments and their programs. Low income housing that promotes single mother households...child support...are just a few examples of this.

hear me out. in isreal there was a day care that wanted to eliminate parents from picking up their children late. it was an inconvenience for the teacher who had to stay behind until the child was picked up. So...they implemented a fine for picking up the child late in an attempt to curb this trend. Instead of the desired effect, more children were being picked up late as people started to assess the fine as a fee. This concept has transcended into parenthood. Where fathers are required to pay monetary funds to compensate for their lack of involvement in their child's life. [i see the need for child support, don't get me wrong...i'm just trying to show how it can be misconstrued]

now i understand that with bad decisions, come bad outcomes. That's nothing new. But what's the cause of these bad decisions? is it lack of education? is it lack of support? is it the lack of moral responsibility or maybe just a lack of morals in general? and once those causes are identified...how will we go about treating the issues?

one man gang started the discussion click here to view
Assertive wit's take on the issue click here to view

The truth

I haven't been any where near a writing mood. Everything seems so coerced or contrived. I'm trying my best to break out of this funk.

I guess going through so many transitions at once can ultimately be draining. I try to find my peace in little things along the day. But sometimes they don't seem enough.
change is good...right?


-dear god(dess),
i have not been honest
and have hidden my dreams from you
forgive my sacrilege
accept my atonement
i now know...
the importance
of
love.-

journal.

trying to find inspiration.
looking to the universe for guidance
it only takes one spark to start a fire

i'm learning to follow my heart. my bliss. my love.
i have to trust in love again.
i have to trust myself again.
things will be okay.
love will see us through.
this isn't easy.
but i need to do this.
please understand.