He who has an ear...let him hear....word.

We will not give you anymore heroes,
anymore icons,
anymore more historic figures
for you to disembowel
their struggles
their fights
their courage
only to leave a rotting corpse
of disdainful character.

They are gods,
they are human
they are the messiahs
as are we

you will never
discredit
our lineage.

we are free.

inside out

I keep replaying those last moments. I remember standing with you on the balcony overlooking the water and boats docked near by. We shared a kiss. And i tried to memorize the moment. [As i always do.] Memorizing the position of the sun. Taking note of the breeze. Mapping the clouds. And the only memory that i can recall with clarity, is how everything faded into the warmth of our kiss.

on some real shit

it was easier when i didn't expect for you to love me. i was able to hide behind a shield, i was able to guard my heart. i am too vulnerable, too easily hurt now.

I question things. Have i over romanticized this relationship to a fault? and now that it is under close examination and scrutiny...are cracks being exposed?

i just want us to get along. i just want us to love without hesitation. i want us to just be.

shuffle

I put my cards on the table.
and walked away.
he asked me why i was leaving the game.
i said "i'm tired of playing hearts
and always losing."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
sigh

a start

i am fragile,
but resilient.
although your actions have fractured my heart
i have learned home remedies to mend it
these mixtures of time and sage sayings
applied to open wounds
sting at first contact
but soon soothe the soul
from the wanderings of memories gone astray

the distance is all too familiar
even when you are within reach
i hesitate to touch you
often wearing the scars of past loves on my finger tips
and they have become bold
gathering on mounts
highlighted in sunday sermons
shouting, and jumping,
praising the suffering-
a congregation of hurt.

but i shall overcome...

Loose change

It's been sometime, You've probably forgotten who i am. Somedays, I feel as if i have forgotten me as well. So many changes have been going on in my life. I chose to follow my heart, leave...I know it was the right thing to do. I couldn't stay and pretend any longer. I couldn't keep denying myself. i'm far from perfect. i hope you'll appreciate the honesty.

I revamped the blog a little. no longer is it "earthquakes for snowflakes"-that chapter has closed.

so here's a toast to new beginnings and growth.

guess what?

i'm going back go cali. so this chapter of my life is over...good bye NY see ya when i see ya.
can't wait to get back to the beaches and the sun.

.one.

i don't understand.
you said you love me
but you have written testaments to another.
i am a jealous god[dess].
my only intentions,
simple as they maybe,
were to love you.

have you forgotten the power of the written language.
even in jest,
ideas and concepts are birthed.
damn.
we should have used protection.
maybe then my heart wouldn't be broken.

heart breaks
births
pain
this is love?
in its infancy
needy
up until today
i was using the wrong metaphors
to describe us
i am wiser now
no longer will i misplace my adjectives for nouns

social ineptitude...now what?

It isn't just an issue in the black community. And to reason that it is the result of one cause is naive. A lot of variables go into play why these issues exist in our communities [whether they're white...black...etc]. It's systemic. And we've only been treating the symptoms rather than the causes.

I understand the reasoning behind the slave mentality...and i dont knock it, i know it's just a part of an explanation but not the whole explanation itself. My community experienced a war. where children were taken from their mothers and fathers and indoctrinated in the dismantling of the family unit. And i know these issues are still fresh in the psyche of my community and it's repressed memory of such trials.

I could even propose that this "social ineptitude" could be due to the social structuring of governments and their programs. Low income housing that promotes single mother households...child support...are just a few examples of this.

hear me out. in isreal there was a day care that wanted to eliminate parents from picking up their children late. it was an inconvenience for the teacher who had to stay behind until the child was picked up. So...they implemented a fine for picking up the child late in an attempt to curb this trend. Instead of the desired effect, more children were being picked up late as people started to assess the fine as a fee. This concept has transcended into parenthood. Where fathers are required to pay monetary funds to compensate for their lack of involvement in their child's life. [i see the need for child support, don't get me wrong...i'm just trying to show how it can be misconstrued]

now i understand that with bad decisions, come bad outcomes. That's nothing new. But what's the cause of these bad decisions? is it lack of education? is it lack of support? is it the lack of moral responsibility or maybe just a lack of morals in general? and once those causes are identified...how will we go about treating the issues?

one man gang started the discussion click here to view
Assertive wit's take on the issue click here to view

The truth

I haven't been any where near a writing mood. Everything seems so coerced or contrived. I'm trying my best to break out of this funk.

I guess going through so many transitions at once can ultimately be draining. I try to find my peace in little things along the day. But sometimes they don't seem enough.
change is good...right?


-dear god(dess),
i have not been honest
and have hidden my dreams from you
forgive my sacrilege
accept my atonement
i now know...
the importance
of
love.-

journal.

trying to find inspiration.
looking to the universe for guidance
it only takes one spark to start a fire

i'm learning to follow my heart. my bliss. my love.
i have to trust in love again.
i have to trust myself again.
things will be okay.
love will see us through.
this isn't easy.
but i need to do this.
please understand.

art.is.art

I know this is mad late...
I went to that art exhibition on the 26th of april and was captured by the images i saw. I got to meet marcia jones and she is just as magical and lovely as I imagined. It was really nice to be able to look at the artwork and then turn to the side and look at the artist. [gotta admit that was pretty dope] I knew i was going to love what Ms. Jones had brought to the table [hi have we met I've sorta been stalking her art for awhile now]. But i also was met with a surprise when I saw a painting i really liked...

it is by Laura Meyers and is titled "you all look the same to me"

anyways i'm going to post a video of marcia jones

the unscene - marcia jones part 1 from pierre bennu on Vimeo.

How magical is she...[dreams]

see why i love her spirit. okay that's all for now. ;)

a new era

I've said good-bye to my PC. I've converted over to the Mac side. while reminiscing with a fellow mac user...i realized the last time i used a mac i was possibly in 1st grade, back then DOS was a major operating system for computers, floppy discs were really floppy...and my only concern was that i hoped my mom didn't put crunchy peanut butter in my PBJ sandwich. Times have changed since then. i no longer have a teddy ruxpin lunchpail and i'm making lunches now.

I just would like to add that Best Buy's geeksquad protection thingy that they have for laptops is very good. Prior to this i had a vaio. i bought it a couple years prior along with the 3 year extended protection plan thingy they have...and since the vaio was going to cost more to fix than it was worth they let me choose a laptop up to the value of what i paid...and so my relationship with the Mac begins. So far so good.

arghhhh matey

the pirate situation

My political views lean a little [my little is really a lot] towards the left.
being that i moved to the sticks of NY i rarely get to listen to my independent radio station the way i would like to. Hmm...and i think the only station they have out here to my liking is NPR.

but anyways...I've been away from this blogging thing for a minute. happy a few familiar faces from cali peeped through NYC and i felt at home for a minute :) it was really nice.

and i just want to make it official...i'm converting to apple. so YAY for the macbook on it's way. i'll probably wait till i get that before i start blogging more. i'm still sort of sad that i lost all my pictures on the last laptop. hopefully the kids will forgive me. :(
i feel like such a horrible mother for that...but atleast i got a few things posted on myspace and stuff right? oh well. can't sweat that stuff. but that just goes to show you...i need to have a healthy distrust for the digital.

well i hope everyone's been doing well...it's mid week...the weekends almost here :)

it's been a minute.

or two...but a lot of things have changed...a lot of things have not

one being: i still love mos def

one more thing
all my folks in NYC come out to this...
"Women's Voices / Women's Visions"
A concert celebrating women's contributions to the arts

Sunday, April 26th, 2009
St. Mark’s Church in-the-Bowery
131 E. 10th Street (@ 2nd Ave.)
2:00 PM

Musique à la Mode is excited to present their 2nd annual “Women’s Voices / Women’s Visions” event on April 26th, a fusion of sight and sound that will feature some of New York’s finest women composers and visual artists. Ten women visual artists will be selected to display their work during the concert on a theme of “dissonance and female experience”, alongside a program of music by Jennifer Higdon, Lari Laitman, Shulamit Ran, among others. In addition, Tara Helen O’Connor, one of New York City’s most sought after flutists will be a featured performer on the concert.

Musique à la Mode invites women artists to apply for the show. Please see details here.

Tickets are $15 advance (available online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/57141) and $20 at the door (cash only). Limited $10 student tickets are available with valid I.D. For more information, please email us at info@musiquealamode.com

well anyways one of these days i'll do a real blog...right now i just feel like waiting for the weather to warm up a bit.

the physics of love [journal 3]

the gravity of our potential
is the equivalent
to us falling in love.

*you might need a slight appreciation for science to get that.

it's like learning the reasons for every love song/poem/movie ever written all at once. this is what this feels like. and i love it. life is truly magical...and anyone who would tell you different has probably never truly lived.

numb.

I haven't been feeling like blogging lately.
but thought i'd drop a few things your way...that you might could enjoy.

Now i am by no means a fan of lil wayne...but i am a fan of pharrell so here's a track you might want
or might not who cares...atleast i offered it to ya'all. [beggars can't be choosers]

here it is your welcome.

and since i'm feeling generous. Here's the Blu and J*Davey track...you all should know how much i love my cali folk.

so...cali is the shit and the stank...take it all in.

Enjoy.

-AK out this

addicted to music.

bilal = heroin music






[back in 1995]



fuck crack...bilal is that good.

*i know it's pointless to argue about music...because everyone has their taste and preferences...but seriously if you can't fuck with bilal...i can't really fuck with you.

when did...

...typing things out become passe?

smh
omg
um...idk?

STFU!

Spend the extra half second. Type it out.
Realize what you are saying becomes that much more insignificant with the implementation of those acronyms.
Know the difference between an acronym and an abbreviation.

rant done.

it's all relative

Journal2
introducing the children:

Asia-Kismet

Lauren


Kahlil

It hits me every now and again that I am a mother. The gravity of which seems overbearing. I often wonder what kind of creative forces reside within them. Will they be the ones who find the Higgs boson? Will they revolutionize their field of study? I want them to be passionate and a little obsessive about their art/craft. I will teach them that through their creativity they will be closest aligned to God. As we create we become aligned with the creator--a communion of sorts.
They have taught me love. I am eternally grateful. mommy loves you. Always.