Saturday, June 27, 2009

social ineptitude...now what?

It isn't just an issue in the black community. And to reason that it is the result of one cause is naive. A lot of variables go into play why these issues exist in our communities [whether they're white...black...etc]. It's systemic. And we've only been treating the symptoms rather than the causes.

I understand the reasoning behind the slave mentality...and i dont knock it, i know it's just a part of an explanation but not the whole explanation itself. My community experienced a war. where children were taken from their mothers and fathers and indoctrinated in the dismantling of the family unit. And i know these issues are still fresh in the psyche of my community and it's repressed memory of such trials.

I could even propose that this "social ineptitude" could be due to the social structuring of governments and their programs. Low income housing that promotes single mother households...child support...are just a few examples of this.

hear me out. in isreal there was a day care that wanted to eliminate parents from picking up their children late. it was an inconvenience for the teacher who had to stay behind until the child was picked up. So...they implemented a fine for picking up the child late in an attempt to curb this trend. Instead of the desired effect, more children were being picked up late as people started to assess the fine as a fee. This concept has transcended into parenthood. Where fathers are required to pay monetary funds to compensate for their lack of involvement in their child's life. [i see the need for child support, don't get me wrong...i'm just trying to show how it can be misconstrued]

now i understand that with bad decisions, come bad outcomes. That's nothing new. But what's the cause of these bad decisions? is it lack of education? is it lack of support? is it the lack of moral responsibility or maybe just a lack of morals in general? and once those causes are identified...how will we go about treating the issues?

one man gang started the discussion click here to view
Assertive wit's take on the issue click here to view

3 comments:

Assertive Wit said...

I appreciate and agree with your take on social ineptitude.

To answer your questions at the end...there are SO many reasons for the cause of these bad decisions and it involves everything you mentioned (lack of education, support, moral responsibility, and morals).

I think it's kind of callous to put a # on how many children someone has by different individuals before it's termed social ineptitude. I have 1 child with 1 man but we aren't married and marriage isn't really on our minds at the moment. Yes, I am a "baby momma". He has 2 daughters now, by 2 different women. He's a "baby daddy". Therefore, we're both in the same boat.

I didn't take anything Jolla said personal because I know I'm personally not socially inept but I know a LOT of people who look at the situation like him and it's kind of troublesome.

Once you're in this situation does it automatically change because YOUR circumstances are not what you viewed others as?

The only way the baby momma/baby daddy epidemic will change is when people place more focus on family structure and marriage. This would include me at this point. My views on marriage are warped mainly due to what I've seen over the years and growing up and my parents have been married since they were 18; they are now 53 but I know what they've been through the last 30 years...it's not appealing to me.

I'll be the first to admit, our generations morals are skewed to the point that we make these bad decisions and just roll with the punches because it's just become the norm to life.

I think if we REALLY work at fixing that, EVERYONE would fair better.

sorry for the long ass comment LOL

asia kismet said...

i love well thought out comments...[no matter what the length]

yeah this whole concept of "baby momma and baby daddy" stigmatizes the individual as being irresponsible. but like you said who's the more irresponsible person: the one who continues to get abortion after abortion or the one who has 3 children from 3 different men. And honestly i dont think it even matters that much once you have money involved in the equation. [example erykah badu got three different father's for her three children and i'm sure she doesn't get the same look of disrespect as the chick down the street does].

And as far as marriage is concerned...i know how you feel girl...my parents were married for almost 24 years...and are still in the process of getting a divorce. with no clear example of how a marriage is suppose to be or how men and women are suppose to interact...we're left to our own devices to set up our own definitions and at times setting up boundaries in the wrong place.

all i know is the greatest issue at hand is LOVE. we need to learn how to love again. properly.

Cheron L. Hall said...

great blog.