Monday, December 29, 2008

this christmas

disclaimer: i'm not a big celebrator of Christmas [insert huey freeman's rant on christmas here] but i do love to cook and eat with loved ones.

I was getting ready to go to a Christmas get together on Christmas eve. I wasn't really looking forward to it for various reasons. To console myself i kept saying: it was an excuse to wear green [which so happens to be my favorite color :D] so i slipped on a green top, a tweed jacket, some jeans and some heels....ready to combat this season.

The kids and i arrive at the battlefield. Kahlil [my baby boy 4 months old] is being passed around like a specimen for scrutiny and observation. One girl says "isn't he mixed asian?". [i'm standing right behind her] and I say, "yes, i'm his mother. I'm right behind you." [and i'm a HUMAN being got damnit]. maybe i was just being way too sensitive...but you can't really blame me. I mean i was in the same environment where someone felt it was okay to say "Wow, you speak really good english" [another topic for another time]. I tell myself, "i'm here for the kids, it's okay...atleast you'll get some food out of it." I walk over to the table where the food is...and think to myself "is this it?" there was chicken, ham, and some smoked salmon with the kapers and other weird toppings for the i played it safe and just went for the chicken.

Then there was a lady who tried to start up a conversation about the economy. At first it peeked my interest to hear something worthy of some discussion. until I ear hustled enough to hear that they were just skimming the topic. I overheard one person saying "there is no recession...did you see all the people in the malls...people are going to have a christmas even if they have no place to live the next day". [the optimist in me dies when i hear conversations like this...then i realize just the kind of people i'm dealing with out here in the sticks]

I was glad when we left because i still needed to do some christmas food shopping [refigerator was looking like an was bare]. My husband's cuzzo was coming upstate from the city. We were going to go food shopping when she got here. she got here about 30 after 10. we ran to the super walmart [because that's 24 hours--alegedly]. BUT they LIED! it was closed. so we scrambled over to the grocery store...where a convenient little sign was placed on the door stating, "we will be closed christmas day so that our employees can enjoy the holidays with their families." all i could think of was "aren't we in a recession...don't people need why aren't they WORKING?!" I swear that stores aren't closed christmas day in cali...but we aren't in cali anymore...[booooooooooooooooooooooo]


I know everyone is crazy about their iPhones. Well my friend was showing me the little shaking feature that it has for one of its apps. where you shake it and then it's suppose to find you a restaurant in the area you want. [that's a nice little feature...especially if you have a girl that is mad indecisive of where they would like to eat] but there's just something unsettling with me about the whole shaking your iphone thing. I don't think there's really a cool way to shake the thing. and depending on where you position the phone...the shake...might be mistaken for something else.

everytime you shake the iPhone....God kills kittens.

Monday, December 22, 2008

what makes my winter warm?

[the view outside my window]

This is my first real winter [booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo]. fuck a white christmas! i want sun and sand and a skim board.

With the move to NY we sorta just stuffed what we could in the car and took i took only a few items that were dear and near to me, these items mainly consisted of books [hi, have we met, i'm the cutest nerd you'll ever meet]. okay with that established...i had to leave a lot of my vinyls in cali :( [planning on getting them in the new year]
but the start of my vinyl collection [post-cali] and what better way to start it off than with this heart shaped one right here.

so today...the weather might be a blistering 16 degrees but my heart is 33 1/3 to 45rpms ;)

shout out to Mr D.Keys for this one ;)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

on the come up...only to come down

Align Center

when we moved into this house we set the laptop down turned it on, and to our surprise the little computer network icon on the lower right had a blue bubble on it--[woohooooooooooo] internet service. Since about September i have been bootlegging internet service from someone in the neighborhood who had a kind enough heart to check "unsecured". [KUDOS to them] i have an inkling it might be the Russians next of these days i'm going to bake them some brownies and give em a bottle of vodka or something.

Now the service was iffy at times but lately i've been getting 3 bars...almost four, it was pretty fast, didn't take extravagantly long for my downloads and movie watching experiences on netflix...until yesterday. now i'm back down to one bar... now i'm still thankful, cause the shit is free. but i think that was the universe telling me, "yo your time has come, stop being such a lamo and get your own dsl." so today i took it upon myself to stop my bootlegging and order some dsl.

[they must have moved the wireless router hence why my signal is sooo non existent]

well here are my top three reasons for bootlegging internet services

1. it's free
2. it decreases global warming [think of it like carpooling]
3. you save a billion rainforest trees [since you're not getting the bill--which is printed on paper]

and i'm all about the environment ;)
but man i need that legitimate service...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

abbra cadabra

the seasons have yet to change
in love
and the earth
has refused to revolve
in hopes to maintain
an eternal summer
her summer has
become his

how can i revolutionize this moment?
how do you collide heavenly bodies
without catastrophic outcomes?
these emotions
mere galaxies
set to play universe
act against physics
science isn't the answer
this defies logic
must be

Friday, December 12, 2008


There was a time when i believed
our love would change the world
but it seams
that i have allowed
the world
to change
our love
and alter the fit
of my heart
there is no measure for this love
its pain is only matched by its intensity

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

don't ever

So i'm watching purple rain...and hubby says "he sorta looks like michael jackson there"
RULE No. 25
Okay i'm done

the children have spoken

i have a love and fascination for cartoons and most things colorful [i.e. socks]. It might have started when i grew up watching voltron or robotech [on beta's my dude...what'cha know about that]...and it has since followed me throughout my adult life. there's just something magical about it, the whole giving life to a two dimensional object [i wonder if this is how the creator feels]...i respect the art. images have existed before language...there is something uterly sacred about it. I'm in awe of art. The ability to draw from the universe and produce something that never existed before the moment you put a brush to a canvas, a pen to some paper, a note to an instrument.

Well it's no wonder my daughter and i can sit and watch cartoons together...lately we've been watching

I've watched this cartoon with them a billion times and trust me the story never gets old. it's such a wonderful story [don't worry there's a dubbed english version].

*and i would like to think my daughter has great taste in movies...[amelie is one of her favorites]

And aside from feature film cartoons i stay watching cal arts cartoons... here's one of my faves

Yesszzzirrrr, i'm a cartoon addict...blame the 80s [pre-spongebob]

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Friends how many of us have them...

I've never really had to use a heater before, aside from one of those portable ones you just stick into a socket to warm a room. But i hear you should just set it on 68 or something like that [68 is an average Los Angeles winter day]...okay before i get depressed on this whole weather bit and tell you how great California is--it's just been these last few days that i have really missed [really really missed] my friends back home [home will always be california, los angeles county, long beach area] And it doesn't help that when i go to the grocery store every fruit is damn near from california.

Let me tell you about my move from Cali to NY. We drove...and i love road trips...took us a total of about 4 days. all the scenery though is out west. Once you leave colorado it's pretty much an endless sea of corn fields. Iowa has internet access at their rest areas and i will never take california freeways for granted ever again. I find that tolls are just everywhere out here...and the roads are a lot more bumpier. One night I was driving back from Queens to Mt. Vern and i took the wrong exit and realized i was going the wrong direction when i saw "welcome to New Jersey" luckily my crafty navigation skills and not the man at the gas station [who i couldn't understand] got me back on the right path. Good thing i had some bills on me for the toll on the George Washington bridge. [note to self: always carry a few extra bills when driving out east just incase you get misdirected (never lost)]

I have a question: do you still pay the toll if you're riding on a bike? i mean in california motorcycles get to use the carpool lane even though technically it's only one person on the bike.

Okay so back to my friends...i just realized that i've pretty much grown up with most of my friends. we're on some "i've known you since 1st grade" type shit...and now i have to start over. gotta find new friends. I'd like to believe that i'm a pretty solitary person, rather reserved and personal at moments...but you know sometimes you just want to interact with people. Maybe discuss some music or art. I need to get out, see what's out here in this small some folks who are on a love and peace type vibe. i guess i need to give this place a chance. But where do i start? ooh maybe i'll post something on craigslist. i was reading an article on msn about how craigslist is used for so much more than just getting cheap second hand stuff. [and all you guys out there i'm not talking about the "services" section either]

okay so i'm looking at the adds posted up already in the strictly platonic section
not too many choose from...i guess i really do live in the sticks.

Monday, December 8, 2008

a letter never sent

Dear daddy,

I don't know where to begin, so I will begin at the end. You left on an ordinary day in January. It was a pretty uneventful day except now it is marked by your absence. Mom received a phone call from you mid day, you were in a Chicago airport. [was it O'hare or Midway?] she thought you had left for work...but you were actually leaving her.

It's been a few years now since I've spoken to you. I'm still hurt because you didn't just leave abandoned us. [Granted, we were all grown]

I have really been examining myself. As a child i would secretly wish you would leave and never come back. I would secretly cry every night and dread those moments when I was alone with you. In my naivety, I hated you. I hated that you never accepted me for me, I hated that you haunted my nightmares, I hated you deeply...but i was still your daughter. And parts of me still love you. The other day I felt guilty for missing you. As if to miss you was the highest crime against my sanity. As a child I was unable to voice my hurt my pains--I wasn't loud enough, I wasn't strong enough. But i have grown since then, I have learned since then, I am still alive--since then.

The love of a child towards their parent is rather unconditional. You must have underestimated this truth. You were my hero for years on end, even when your godlike image was crumbling. I have forgiven you, and have even grown to admire the fact that you sought your happiness above all else. I would hope that I could be so bold. But they always said that I was my father's child.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

allow me to reintroduce myself...

I need to get a rake like yesterday. I can't wait till the kids get older and i can trick them into thinking it's fun. And hopefully they'll be impervious to cold.

The great thing about moving to a new place is that you have the chance to reinvent yourself. What did i do to reinvent myself: I started this blog [wtf]. Okay, this blog is probably more a result of looming boredom and therapy than really a means to reinvent myself.

So this past thanksgiving, while everyone was spitting in the face of the indigenous people while stuffing their faces [ i digress... ] I was contemplating the audacity of certain individuals. So here's the story:

Hubby comes home from work. He says, "yo wifey, there's something i gotta tell you. you aint gonna believe this shit" And of course my inquisitive self is all ears after "there's something". He then continues to tell me how his boss and female coworker asked him if he could ask me....if i wanted to bellysmack, bump uglies, knock boots, [insert euphemisms here] with them. Oh and it didn't end there. they told him they were willing to pay. [What the fuck!!!!!!] [i am not your exotic version i'm gangstah cuhz 2008]. So my husband goes on to tell me how he didn't know how to react. How he was angry and calm at the same time. He just replied "you need to ask her yourself and she aint too fond of white people." [two words: exploitation and disease] [youtube dave chappelle how i got the lead in jeopardy def poetry]

Well after the initial shock

side note: a lot of things that semi shocked me have happened since i moved out here... 1. the whole snow and rain thing. 2. the older lady saying "oh you speak really good english" with a hint of surprise in her voice [think the boondocks season one first episode]....okay back to it.

so after the initial shock...i felt disrespected, angered, ready to kick down doors and get extra ignorant [but that's not how i roll]. Now my dilemma lies in the fact that if i see these individuals face to face i will not be able to put on a fake smile and offer them a cup o' tea. How the hell are you suppose to react to shit like this? And did i mention i felt mad disrespected...these folks better back the fuck off! I'm a pacifist mostly but i will swich ranks on occassion.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


hi there,

I'm a southern California native who just moved to upstate NY. I'm still in the process of getting acclimated to this thing they call "seasons". And from what I've seen and's overrated. I've recently experienced snow falling from the sky for the first time. And I know that might sound somewhat uneventful, it was actually a monumental moment for me. [and i never knew that rain and snow could fall from the sky at the same time].

Overall I guess this place isn't too bad, i.e. no lines at the DMV [and they're open on Saturdays] rent is mad cheap, and I get time to spend with the fambam. But there's a downside as well: there's absolutley nothing to do out here but kick rocks or go to little social gatherings like pumpkin fest [wtf] or whatever other fests they have to promote unity...but i'm going to give this place a chance [well I'm really trying to][really really trying to].

Well this is where it starts. Me trying to write down a few experiences, a few thoughts...maybe bring a little westcoast to the east.

"i'm west side anyway even if i left today and stayed away"--TI