Tuesday, December 29, 2009

a start

i am fragile,
but resilient.
although your actions have fractured my heart
i have learned home remedies to mend it
these mixtures of time and sage sayings
applied to open wounds
sting at first contact
but soon soothe the soul
from the wanderings of memories gone astray

the distance is all too familiar
even when you are within reach
i hesitate to touch you
often wearing the scars of past loves on my finger tips
and they have become bold
gathering on mounts
highlighted in sunday sermons
shouting, and jumping,
praising the suffering-
a congregation of hurt.

but i shall overcome...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Loose change

It's been sometime, You've probably forgotten who i am. Somedays, I feel as if i have forgotten me as well. So many changes have been going on in my life. I chose to follow my heart, leave...I know it was the right thing to do. I couldn't stay and pretend any longer. I couldn't keep denying myself. i'm far from perfect. i hope you'll appreciate the honesty.

I revamped the blog a little. no longer is it "earthquakes for snowflakes"-that chapter has closed.

so here's a toast to new beginnings and growth.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

guess what?

i'm going back go cali. so this chapter of my life is over...good bye NY see ya when i see ya.
can't wait to get back to the beaches and the sun.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


i don't understand.
you said you love me
but you have written testaments to another.
i am a jealous god[dess].
my only intentions,
simple as they maybe,
were to love you.

have you forgotten the power of the written language.
even in jest,
ideas and concepts are birthed.
we should have used protection.
maybe then my heart wouldn't be broken.

heart breaks
this is love?
in its infancy
up until today
i was using the wrong metaphors
to describe us
i am wiser now
no longer will i misplace my adjectives for nouns

Saturday, June 27, 2009

social ineptitude...now what?

It isn't just an issue in the black community. And to reason that it is the result of one cause is naive. A lot of variables go into play why these issues exist in our communities [whether they're white...black...etc]. It's systemic. And we've only been treating the symptoms rather than the causes.

I understand the reasoning behind the slave mentality...and i dont knock it, i know it's just a part of an explanation but not the whole explanation itself. My community experienced a war. where children were taken from their mothers and fathers and indoctrinated in the dismantling of the family unit. And i know these issues are still fresh in the psyche of my community and it's repressed memory of such trials.

I could even propose that this "social ineptitude" could be due to the social structuring of governments and their programs. Low income housing that promotes single mother households...child support...are just a few examples of this.

hear me out. in isreal there was a day care that wanted to eliminate parents from picking up their children late. it was an inconvenience for the teacher who had to stay behind until the child was picked up. So...they implemented a fine for picking up the child late in an attempt to curb this trend. Instead of the desired effect, more children were being picked up late as people started to assess the fine as a fee. This concept has transcended into parenthood. Where fathers are required to pay monetary funds to compensate for their lack of involvement in their child's life. [i see the need for child support, don't get me wrong...i'm just trying to show how it can be misconstrued]

now i understand that with bad decisions, come bad outcomes. That's nothing new. But what's the cause of these bad decisions? is it lack of education? is it lack of support? is it the lack of moral responsibility or maybe just a lack of morals in general? and once those causes are identified...how will we go about treating the issues?

one man gang started the discussion click here to view
Assertive wit's take on the issue click here to view

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The truth

I haven't been any where near a writing mood. Everything seems so coerced or contrived. I'm trying my best to break out of this funk.

I guess going through so many transitions at once can ultimately be draining. I try to find my peace in little things along the day. But sometimes they don't seem enough.
change is good...right?

-dear god(dess),
i have not been honest
and have hidden my dreams from you
forgive my sacrilege
accept my atonement
i now know...
the importance

Friday, June 5, 2009


trying to find inspiration.
looking to the universe for guidance
it only takes one spark to start a fire

i'm learning to follow my heart. my bliss. my love.
i have to trust in love again.
i have to trust myself again.
things will be okay.
love will see us through.
this isn't easy.
but i need to do this.
please understand.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I know this is mad late...
I went to that art exhibition on the 26th of april and was captured by the images i saw. I got to meet marcia jones and she is just as magical and lovely as I imagined. It was really nice to be able to look at the artwork and then turn to the side and look at the artist. [gotta admit that was pretty dope] I knew i was going to love what Ms. Jones had brought to the table [hi have we met I've sorta been stalking her art for awhile now]. But i also was met with a surprise when I saw a painting i really liked...
it is by Laura Meyers and is titled "you all look the same to me"

anyways i'm going to post a video of marcia jones

the unscene - marcia jones part 1 from pierre bennu on Vimeo.

How magical is she...[dreams]

see why i love her spirit. okay that's all for now. ;)

Friday, April 17, 2009

a new era

I've said good-bye to my PC. I've converted over to the Mac side. while reminiscing with a fellow mac user...i realized the last time i used a mac i was possibly in 1st grade, back then DOS was a major operating system for computers, floppy discs were really floppy...and my only concern was that i hoped my mom didn't put crunchy peanut butter in my PBJ sandwich. Times have changed since then. i no longer have a teddy ruxpin lunchpail and i'm making lunches now.

I just would like to add that Best Buy's geeksquad protection thingy that they have for laptops is very good. Prior to this i had a vaio. i bought it a couple years prior along with the 3 year extended protection plan thingy they have...and since the vaio was going to cost more to fix than it was worth they let me choose a laptop up to the value of what i paid...and so my relationship with the Mac begins. So far so good.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

arghhhh matey

the pirate situation

My political views lean a little [my little is really a lot] towards the left.
being that i moved to the sticks of NY i rarely get to listen to my independent radio station the way i would like to. Hmm...and i think the only station they have out here to my liking is NPR.

but anyways...I've been away from this blogging thing for a minute. happy a few familiar faces from cali peeped through NYC and i felt at home for a minute :) it was really nice.

and i just want to make it official...i'm converting to apple. so YAY for the macbook on it's way. i'll probably wait till i get that before i start blogging more. i'm still sort of sad that i lost all my pictures on the last laptop. hopefully the kids will forgive me. :(
i feel like such a horrible mother for that...but atleast i got a few things posted on myspace and stuff right? oh well. can't sweat that stuff. but that just goes to show you...i need to have a healthy distrust for the digital.

well i hope everyone's been doing well...it's mid week...the weekends almost here :)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

it's been a minute.

or two...but a lot of things have changed...a lot of things have not
one being: i still love mos def

one more thing
all my folks in NYC come out to this...
"Women's Voices / Women's Visions"
A concert celebrating women's contributions to the arts

Sunday, April 26th, 2009
St. Mark’s Church in-the-Bowery
131 E. 10th Street (@ 2nd Ave.)
2:00 PM

Musique à la Mode is excited to present their 2nd annual “Women’s Voices / Women’s Visions” event on April 26th, a fusion of sight and sound that will feature some of New York’s finest women composers and visual artists. Ten women visual artists will be selected to display their work during the concert on a theme of “dissonance and female experience”, alongside a program of music by Jennifer Higdon, Lari Laitman, Shulamit Ran, among others. In addition, Tara Helen O’Connor, one of New York City’s most sought after flutists will be a featured performer on the concert.

Musique à la Mode invites women artists to apply for the show. Please see details here.

Tickets are $15 advance (available online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/57141) and $20 at the door (cash only). Limited $10 student tickets are available with valid I.D. For more information, please email us at info@musiquealamode.com

well anyways one of these days i'll do a real blog...right now i just feel like waiting for the weather to warm up a bit.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

the physics of love [journal 3]

the gravity of our potential
is the equivalent
to us falling in love.

*you might need a slight appreciation for science to get that.

it's like learning the reasons for every love song/poem/movie ever written all at once. this is what this feels like. and i love it. life is truly magical...and anyone who would tell you different has probably never truly lived.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


I haven't been feeling like blogging lately.
but thought i'd drop a few things your way...that you might could enjoy.

Now i am by no means a fan of lil wayne...but i am a fan of pharrell so here's a track you might want
or might not who cares...atleast i offered it to ya'all. [beggars can't be choosers]

here it is your welcome.

and since i'm feeling generous. Here's the Blu and J*Davey track...you all should know how much i love my cali folk.

so...cali is the shit and the stank...take it all in.


-AK out this

Thursday, March 5, 2009

addicted to music.

bilal = heroin music

[back in 1995]

fuck crack...bilal is that good.

*i know it's pointless to argue about music...because everyone has their taste and preferences...but seriously if you can't fuck with bilal...i can't really fuck with you.

Friday, February 27, 2009

when did...

...typing things out become passe?



Spend the extra half second. Type it out.
Realize what you are saying becomes that much more insignificant with the implementation of those acronyms.
Know the difference between an acronym and an abbreviation.

rant done.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

it's all relative

introducing the children:



It hits me every now and again that I am a mother. The gravity of which seems overbearing. I often wonder what kind of creative forces reside within them. Will they be the ones who find the Higgs boson? Will they revolutionize their field of study? I want them to be passionate and a little obsessive about their art/craft. I will teach them that through their creativity they will be closest aligned to God. As we create we become aligned with the creator--a communion of sorts.
They have taught me love. I am eternally grateful. mommy loves you. Always.

Monday, February 16, 2009

journal 1

He wrote in the sky:
"These heavens could be your eyes;
If they were open"
[a haiku]

I am losing faith in humanity. Topics worthy of discussion are pushed aside to further our gluttony for entertainment. The news helps to perpetuate installments of fear and hate in half hour doses coated with "the new colors for the season." Our consumer driven economy mindset has revealed itself in other facets of life. We have become consumed by monotony. I am tired of dumbing down my beliefs into bite size ideologies. I hardly feel angry anymore. I allow individuals to live in their ignorance and contradiction because i choose not to be side tracked by their bullshit. I find my zen in the early mornings when the earth breathes loudest and the city sleeps quietest. my eyes are opening again. Ohm.

I know that there is nothing new under the sun, so i live guided by the mysteries of the moon.

this aint the staples center

My mother has not seen me since July. In August i gave birth to a son. For you mathematicians out there, that makes him 6 months. A week or so ago i get a call from my mother. The usual conversation ensues. "how are you and the family?" "is it cold out there?" Then my mother asks me "so how much do you weigh?" Thinking i'm looking good for just having had a child not too long ago, I tell her, "i'm 135lbs." she gasps and tells me, "Wow you're fat." At this point i'm laughing and trying to explain to her the whole height to weight ratio. She isn't trying to hear any of it. She goes on to tell me how much she weighed when she had my brothers and i, and i'm somewhere else trying to figure out how to end this conversation. In the back of my mind i'm recounting all the times she could have given me a complex. I remember that this is the same woman that made me feel uncomfortable about my gumby smile, who told me to smile with my mouth closed for most of my adolescent years.

life lesson: parents breed complexes.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Me and hiphop have this open relationship. In the early nineties, he held me down [The pharcyde, souls of mischief...etc]. He had me open. When 98-2000 rolled around i fell in love with him again...the roots,blackstar,mos def, common all dropped an album around that time and Rawkus was that label that could do no wrong. At this moment i'm tired of searching through his bull shit to find gems. so i've been dipping out on him...lately my ears are stuck on a little group from sweden called little dragon. the lead singer [Yukimi Nagano] has one of the richest introspective voices i've heard in awhile. check it for yourself.

p.s. Hiphop--i haven't given up on you yet...just need a break.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


i came across this quote today and i thought i would share it with you all.

“There is no dishonor in being slaves. There is dishonor in being slave
owners. But let us not think of honor or dishonor in connection with the
past. Let us realize that the future is with those who would be truthful
pure and loving” — Mohandas K. Gandhi in a letter to W.E.B. Du Bois

let us all be more truthful, pure, and loving.

Friday, January 30, 2009

F=ma isn't it

"happiness is a mediocre state for a middle class existence"--saul williams

I'm not in the mood for mediocre. I want something amazing to fill me and move me. lately i've been discussing "inspiration" with a few friends. As i have mentioned in a previous blog, i just haven't been feeling "it" lately...the "it" that causes your pen to speak forth words from the depths of the universe...the "it" that guides your colors to brush to canvas. that "it" is alluding me at the moment. and you can't force the "it".
[tag me it.]

and me, i'm like Einstein's chalk board, i'm drawn to geniuses.

here's a few things that widened the scope of possibilities.

theo jansen...genius.


[now find the genius in you and enjoy your weekend]

Saturday, January 24, 2009

i dont have a clever title.

"I'm an artist. When you tell people that they usually say, 'what's your medium?' I usually say, 'extra large.'"- Jean-Michel Basquiat

i'm in the mood to take a spray can and just write some quotes somewhere in the neighborhood. maybe something to make people think...maybe something to make people smile...maybe something people forgot.

maybe i should just start in the basement...

maybe i should stop all my maybes and take action.

maybe tomorrow.

another lazy saturday and a friend and i were discussing Yo Gabba Gabba.
and the fact that HipHop has officially made it to influence children's programing. my friend, who shall remain nameless, probably secretly enjoys this show more than his one year old nephew [who he claims is the reason why he watches this show]. But yo, i'm really hatin. kid's now a days have Biz beat of the day

and all i remember was growin up to this

Thursday, January 22, 2009

6.99 to end your life

Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch

New BulletFlight program could be a 'killer' app for Apple

Sniper iPod BulletFlight app :Sniper rifle software launched for iPod touch
BulletFlight is a new application has been launched for the iPod touch to help gun users line up a clean shot at their target

A new application has been launched for the iPod touch to help gun users line up a clean shot at their target.

The BulletFlight app, which costs $6.99 to download from the iTunes store, has been developed by Runaway App to turn the iPod touch into a ballistics computer which the company says can provide “quick solutions in the field”.

Users can mount their iPod touch to their rifle, and then use the iPod’s touch-screen to tap in details about the wind conditions, ammunition type, distance to the intended target and even the wind speed.

“Unlike other apps, BulletFlight does not output information in table format,” says the application’s iTunes page. “What it does do is dynamically give you the solution you need now to take that shot.”

The application features built-in profiles for three weapons – the M110 semi-automatic precision rifle, the KAC PDW, and the 14.5in SR16 rifle – although users can add more weapons into the app.

“Environmental calculations are based on the Sierra Bullet model,” says the BulletFlight iTunes entry. “Up to five ballistic co-efficients with corresponding velocity thresholds may be used for each profile.”

BulletFlight is not the first shooting application for the iPhone and iPod touch – that honour goes to iSnipe – but it’s the latest in a long line of unusal apps for the devices, which have included simulated beer-pouring, a fart machine, and even “breathalysers”.

[i'm really disturbed by this...are they serious?]


They've renamed Love. said God is Love. they told us "let go and let GOD". now they've renamed God to the point where my name no longer matches his(?). i'm taking it back to the origin. "let go and let(s) Love"

"it's about time." time--a man made concept to measure life. life should be measured in love. love-unquantifiable. that's how i want to live.

okay it's a new day. snow is still on the ground...i'm still getting accustomed to this stuff. i figure it shouldn't deter me from going outside to face the world. it's so easy to just stay in the warm...but right now i feel adventurous....maybe i'll make a few mixtapes [CDs] and hand em out...save these people from being accosted by lil wayne...introduce them to the beauty of a break beat. i think i might be feeling a little inspired. we'll see how the day goes. ooh maybe i'll work on a mix and put it up for you all to download...would you like that? i'm in a loving mood [couldn't you tell from the above passage?]

well i hope you all have a wonderful day.

Monday, January 19, 2009

stop co-signin'

I might be wrong for this, but right now i don't care. [i might regret what i say tomorrow]

YES we are about to have our first black president.
YES we are EXCITED about that
YES i voted for him.

But why are you? You didn't vote. You stay hating on Americans all the time. And now all of a sudden cause we got a new head of state you want to be down? Fuck you! I don't even know who's your president/prime minister. I doubt i'll be that excited about your elected leader...so you don't need to tell me.

WE [those who voted] made history. YOU didn't.

one day away.

some time ago i wrote:

The short-changed masses have deliberately set out to gain some sense. We are not all artist but we have learned to draw our own conclusions in regards to how this government views its people. Its "white is right" regime reigns supreme over everyone...and our birth rights have been denied and renamed as death and taxes. tell me what is left? of this free world....because we would like a peace.
Tomorrows mantra is today's revelation.

and today change is coming. tomorrow change will be here. :)

Friday, January 16, 2009

a return to me

i sorta miss making stuff...getting my hands dirty with oils and pastels...
i just haven't been feeling inspired lately. been over analyzing what is and isn't. i've gotta return to zero[the beginning-the cipher] commune with the stars for a bit. internalize god. become the conductor of my own enlightenment...beating my mantras on drums to pattern the future. because there will be a time when time will bend on hollow knees vibrating the sanctity of now.

i drew a circle and started a revolution

my children need their mother to be more than ordinary. i need people to stop expecting me to be anything other than me. i'm not an artist, not a poet...i'm just trying my best to speak from my heart...to be honest...in every medium...i'm still learning and growing...

Monday, January 12, 2009


aint just for computers no more. seems like this word has made it into everyday lexicon. i predict it will be the over used word of 2009. i've already come across a few blogs with this word woven intermittenly within its text. we need to retire the words swagger and boss. although i did find it humorous when Max B said "i look like a boss i smell like a boss and i taste like a boss" [dude is so arrogant i can't even get mad at him, he makes kanye look insecure]

On the topic of growing up. I think it was the apostle paul who said something like "When i was a kid i dressed as a kid...when i became an adult i dressed as an adult." [it might have been in the scriptures that King James threw out]

well i say that to tell you this. IF you are still rocking jerseys of your favorite sports figure out in public you really need to dead that. there are only 3 places jerseys should be worn
1. while you are playing that particular sport
2. at the sporting event of that particlar sport
3. at a tail gate party for a sporting event [yup you guessed it] of that particular sport.

*how do you wear a jersey in the cold of winter?

there are no excuses for a grown man [or woman] to put on an article of clothing that has some one else's name [in huge letters] on it. we all know you are not Lebron. DONE.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

if you aint know

you need to get acquainted with one of my favorites.

Marcia Jones - Artist from Chris Nzuriwatu on Vimeo.

Friday, January 9, 2009

just thinking...should i?

my father holding me for a picture in a refugee camp

So it's been a few years [4 to be exact] since i've spoken to my father. He doesn't know where i reside, he doesn't have a number to reach me because i don't have any of those articles for him. But i wonder if this will be the year i send him an email or something and start to have a relationship with him. i've been thinking about this since my birthday [which was Nov 20 for future notice...and i accept belated gifts ;) ] and it always becomes more thought of around this time [mom's birthday].

I'm really debating wether or not i really want to get back in contact with him. My brother recently received a phone call from my father and he told me it was like ressurecting the dead, to hear a voice that has been non existant for so long.

I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of this

I get a dad back in my life.
kids get to meet their grand father

i'm going to really have to come to grips with issues i have with him
i'm going to have to completely forgive him [i say i have but i mean it's easy to forgive when the person isn't around...because there are no actions to prove otherwise...this really isn't a con]
i'm going to have to hear it from my moms if/when she finds out i'm speaking with my father. [and it's not like the "Oh I hate your father" talk...she still loves dude after everything...which i have vowed will not be my case if that situation were to ever occur to me...sorry babe.]

okay so maybe i'm still not really ready. and i dont want my pops to think that i'm just getting in contact with him for monetary gain or to get a piece of his estate or any of that foolishness. I just miss having a dad...

Monday, January 5, 2009

west coast biased

Flying lotus...aka fly lo...if you aint know...well now you know...you know...you know...

*if you an adult swim junkie you probably were already a fan of his beats


J*davey ;)
Show all

this was my most fav obama song. [feeling a little homesick today]