Friday, January 9, 2009
just thinking...should i?
So it's been a few years [4 to be exact] since i've spoken to my father. He doesn't know where i reside, he doesn't have a number to reach me because i don't have any of those articles for him. But i wonder if this will be the year i send him an email or something and start to have a relationship with him. i've been thinking about this since my birthday [which was Nov 20 for future notice...and i accept belated gifts ;) ] and it always becomes more thought of around this time [mom's birthday].
I'm really debating wether or not i really want to get back in contact with him. My brother recently received a phone call from my father and he told me it was like ressurecting the dead, to hear a voice that has been non existant for so long.
I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of this
I get a dad back in my life.
kids get to meet their grand father
i'm going to really have to come to grips with issues i have with him
i'm going to have to completely forgive him [i say i have but i mean it's easy to forgive when the person isn't around...because there are no actions to prove otherwise...this really isn't a con]
i'm going to have to hear it from my moms if/when she finds out i'm speaking with my father. [and it's not like the "Oh I hate your father" talk...she still loves dude after everything...which i have vowed will not be my case if that situation were to ever occur to me...sorry babe.]
okay so maybe i'm still not really ready. and i dont want my pops to think that i'm just getting in contact with him for monetary gain or to get a piece of his estate or any of that foolishness. I just miss having a dad...